The whole world is going through a great transformation, and so are many of us. So am I.
These strange times have been full of thinking and realizations for me as well. Recently I’ve seen quite a few people making public confessions about their mental health and other life issues. I’m not active on social networks, but I personally find these posts of these people very meaningful, and they have challenged me to find the courage to be honest with myself, too. Because in most cases, being honest with yourself does require to be brave.
Here are mine. May they help at least one other person…
Since like 3 years ago, I’ve been suffering from chronical anxiety and excessive fears. „What are you afraid of?” “What are you stressing about?” “You don’t have a stressful job. You look relaxed. “ “You can’t be scared, you’re a man!” Please, bear with me… Anxiety has nothing to do with a reasonable fear. Nor with the actual situation. People who know me know I’m a pretty brave and courageous person in most situations, having lived outside of my comfort zone most of the time, not really scared of many things. But anxiety is something that is just “stuck” in your subconsciousness, that I’ve apparently created after traumas and other difficult times in my life, after all the failures and….yes, also due to negative self-talk and being too hard on myself.
Why is anxiety so bad? Because of the excessive and uncontrollable fear, loss of self-confidence, complete apathy and missed opportunities it fully impacts your life. It deters you from any goals and plans, thus impacts your career or business. It deters you from meeting people, thus impacts your social life, let alone relationships. It discourages you from living a life, so you just end up being unhappy at home, in your bed, in your “safety” zone. Because this is where there is no danger. Understanding what exactly anxiety is and what states of mind you are experiencing is basically impossible for a person who has never been through that, but the way I explain it to myself, and that at least partly helps me to cope with that, is that it is nothing else than just my mind – subconsciously – protecting me. Protecting me from bad things, pain or harm that could possibly happen in the future. From something that will most likely not even happen. Perhaps, there wouldn’t be much wrong about it if the protection wasn’t excessive and persistent. And of course, the current happening in the world is not helping at all….
They say that anxiety can’t be cured fully; you can only learn to live with that. When I suffered from Lyme Disease, they told me it was only possible to reduce the symptoms, so I would eventually have to learn to live with that. It took years, but now I feel healthier than when I was 20. Unless you were born with that, I’m convinced that almost everything can eventually be treated, but I do know these are such deep, subconscious patterns that they can no longer be changed on the conscious level. I know I may not be able to get rid of these states of mind fully, but it’s only up to me to do my best to live as stress- and worries-free life as possible.
Confession No 2: I’m not happy doing what I’m doing. Please, don’t get me wrong. I’m absolutely grateful for what I have, and I’m satisfied with the progress I’ve made. I really am. But it is not why I’m here in this world. And that’s again why it was so difficult to be honest with myself. My job doesn’t define me. I’ve been in digital marketing for like 6-7 years now, and I’m going through a total burnout. I want to completely change my path and quit this field. I want to do something meaningful for this world. I want to be useful. I want to do something positive and creative. I want to help people be happy. I want to write and share.
Daring confession No 3: I’m not happy to be single. For years now I’ve been lying to myself about that, too. After my soulmate ran away from me, I lost my hope and stopped believing in love. I locked up my heart, learned to live a single life, got used to it, and was doing just fine. It’s easier, total independence, no problems. Yes, it is easier. But it’s also lonely, boring, discouraging and meaningless. In fact, I don’t enjoy it. The whole time it was just a big lie that many other people believe in as well, just because they have experienced disappointments. The whole time I’ve been just hiding behind anxiety, fears and low confidence. In my “safe” comfort zone. But the truth is…I suffer from lack of love. I want love. I want to love and be loved. I want to open my heart again.
#mentalheatlh #bebrave #youareenough #anxiety #loveisthekey #youarenotalone